Friday's random thoughts roundup!

Here are some awesome thoughts I've had in the last week:

-- A coworker sent an email to the whole department telling us that by nature of our membership in Hertz's Gold Super Awesome program (note: not its actual name), we can rent Hertz cars by the hour. I was really tempted to reply asking if that was at all similar to motels that you can rent by the hour, and if so, I really wasn't interested. If I want to get it on in a car, I can save money by just doing it in my Honda Civic. But then I realized that I could probably rent a MUCH more spacious vehicle from Hertz -- like maybe an SUV or a minivan -- so the banging would be more comfortable. But THEN I realized that we have a bed at home that's a wayyy more appropriate place to bang -- even better than a rental SUV. And THEN I realized that I shouldn't reply to that coworker's email at all, because this whole stream of consciousness is not the sort of thing that should be emailed to coworkers. HR would probably get involved.

-- My brother was a Thanksgiving Nazi. He cooked 90% of the meal, and it was delicious, so I can't really complain too much, but he could have been nicer about it. Specifically, he insisted on using an actual meat thermometer instead of the notoriously unreliable 'poppers' that are a critical part of the Thanksgiving tradition (how else are you going to overcook the turkey and be forced to eat cold side dishes, Ryan? HOW ELSE???). And worse still, he wouldn't let us put stuffing in the turkey because of some sort of risk of everyone getting food poisoning and dysentery from it. My mom was so upset about the whole not-stuffing thing that she kept trying to recruit me to help her ninja-stuff it whenever my brother went to the bathroom. Like he wouldn't notice that the turkey had magically become filled with stuffing. It would be the Great Thanksgiving Caper of 2012. We were totally going to do it but then instead we made another mimosa.

-- The morning after Thanksgiving, we were all lying around watching Top Gun and these commercials kept coming on for this rehab clinic. Like, every fifteen minutes there'd be this commercial with some guy telling us how great rehab is. So I was like "wow, what the hell kind of person do they think is watching Top Gun on a Friday morning?" like it was ridiculous. But then I looked around and saw that both my brother and husband were drinking mimosas out of pint glasses and my mom was on her third bloody caesar AND we were watching Top Gun in the middle of a weekday, and I realized that WE were their target demographic. Us.

-- I'm going to miss the annual work Christmas party -- which has an open bar from 1 til 5PM -- because I now work out of the Seattle office. Discussed it with my boss and we decided that the best compromise is for me to just drink heavily in my office here from 1 to 5 and then go home. "Telecommuting," it's called.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone! And WHY HAVEN'T YOU FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER YET?? IT'S LIKE YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF OUT OF SADNESS AND LONELINESS. @PatentsPatented is my handle.

Oh, and since I can't put up a post without a single picture in it, here is a drawing of a Diet Dr. Pepper with gas.