Blog Archive

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Dinosaurs built Stonehenge. And the pyramids. And some other stuff.

Conspiracy time you guys. Are you ready for this?

How did impossible things like the pyramids get built before the advent of modern technology? How did ancient humans lift all those incredibly heavy stones? Did aliens help them out?

No, dumbass.

It was dinosaurs.


Dinosaurs built Stonehenge:




Dinosaurs built the pyramids:




Dinosaurs helped build Noah's Ark:





Dinosaurs were even involved in construction of the Empire State building:





Dinosaurs carved the Easter Island statues:





Dinosaurs have been to the moon:




Wake up sheeple.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Let the hate flow through you: More behaviors people need to STOP. NOW.

Time to let the hate flow through you, as we explore a few more things people do that make me so f***ing angry I can't even GAHHH.

Please don't ...


Argue with people based solely on information that they provided to you

The Fact Denier's interactions go a little something like this:



Ughhhhhhhhh. I cannot properly describe how much this frustrates me.

If you weren't there, then you have no choice but to accept the version of events presented to you by the witnesses. You can push against that story a little bit, asking things like "is it possible that ______," but you can't just outright argue with the person presenting the story because you are coming from a place of literally zero knowledge

If someone describes a situation to you and you picture it differently from how it really happened, then guess what -- YOU ARE WRONG. If I tell you a story about how yesterday the sky looked like this:


Stormy Sky HD wallpaper for Standard 4:3 5:4 Fullscreen UXGA XGA SVGA QSXGA SXGA ; Wide 16:10 5:3 Widescreen WHXGA WQXGA WUXGA WXGA WGA ; HD 16:9 High Definition WQHD QWXGA 1080p 900p 720p QHD nHD ; Other 3:2 DVGA HVGA HQVGA devices ( Apple PowerBook G4 iPhone 4 3G 3GS iPod Touch ) ; Mobile VGA WVGA iPhone iPad PSP Phone - VGA QVGA Smartphone ( PocketPC GPS iPod Zune BlackBerry HTC Samsung LG Nokia Eten Asus ) WVGA WQVGA Smartphone ( HTC Samsung Sony Ericsson LG Vertu MIO ) HVGA Smartphone ( Apple iPhone iPod BlackBerry HTC Samsung Nokia ) Sony PSP Zune HD Zen ; Tablet 2 ;

and you picture this:


... then you can't start f***ing arguing with me about what the sky looked like. Because you weren't there, you don't know, and you're just arguing to argue because you're overly confrontational and I hate you.



People who take a self-deprecating joke as an opportunity to actually insult you

F*** YOU, SNOOTY BITCH.

This is a lesson many people still have yet to learn: if someone makes a joke at their own expense, that shows that they don't take themselves too seriously and are willing to be the butt of the joke if it gets a laugh out of others. If you take this olive branch they're handing you and use it slap them across the face with a rude comment, then you're just an asshole.

God do I ever hate people who use self-deprecating humor as an 'in' to say something bitchy.

God I hate you so f***ing much right now.


People who are so keen on opposing you that they will argue in favor of an indefensible viewpoint, simply because it is opposite to yours

Barb says: washing your hands after pooping in a public bathroom is totally optional. 
(no it's not. Wash your goddamned hands you pig) 


Barb says: it's not rude to let the door slam into the person behind you instead of holding it. 
(yes it is. Hold the goddamned door) 


Barb says: it's okay to kick dogs.
(no it's not. Do not kick animals unless they are actively attacking you)

Have you ever known someone like this? They've decided they dislike you, or they think you're an idiot, and so they have to disagree with every single thing you say? You could tell them the sky was blue and they'd have a problem with it.

My favorite thing about these people is how easy it is to troll them, though. Just invent a situation where no sane person could possibly disagree with you -- "some guy was texting while driving and he crashed into my car and injured me! What an asshole!" "Some teenager just spit on the barista's face at Starbucks because he messed up her order!" -- and then watch The Opposer try to find a way to be on the other guy's side. It's like a ballet.

A ballet of idiocy.


Assume that everyone is a hypocrite in every situation


Interactions with The Assumer always go something like this:




This jackass operates under the assumption that you've never heard of karma, the Golden Rule, or general human decency. They therefore believe that if others behaved towards you in the exact same manner that you behave towards them, you would be angry.

This assumption is, of course, based on absolutely nothing. You've never given any indication that you're the kind of person who gets up in arms over dumb shit ... so why does The Assumer think you are? Because The Assumer is an idiot, that's why.

Generally speaking, if someone, say, doesn't believe in tipping, then odds are that they neither tip others nor expect to be tipped themselves. If someone never uses their car blinker, then they probably don't expect other people to use their blinkers, either.

Plenty of people are hypocrites, and it's fun to call those people out. But not everyone is, and certainly not in every situation. So if you recognize a bit of yourself in The Assumer, then kindly shut the f*** up because you're stupid and I hate you.



Ah. I feel better now. Carry on, friends. :-)

Friday, July 18, 2014