Blog Archive

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Let's learn about Ebola!

Last week, while I was home sick with Audrey, I turned on Good Morning America one morning. This was right after the first nurse in Texas was diagnosed with Ebola, so it was quite a hot topic. During this brief time spent watching GMA, I was alerted to the fact that 65% of Americans are apparently concerned about Ebola and the risk that they might personally contract it.

Just to make sure we are all on the same page here: 65% of Americans are legitimately concerned that they might contract and die from Ebola.

Now, clearly, for that many people to think there's a realistic chance that they might get Ebola, there must have been some misinformation going on. And so we're going to clear all that up right here and now with this helpful blog post written by me, a person with no medical expertise whatsoever.

How is Ebola transmitted?

Ebola is transmitted through bodily fluids. This means that if you have sex with the diarrhea of someone who has Ebola, there's a good chance you will also get Ebola. This especially means you shouldn't have sex with the corpse of someone who has died of Ebola (I'm lookin' at you, Frank).

But you already knew that. So let's go deeper.

You can also get Ebola from being a blood relative of someone who has it. Because blood is a bodily fluid. And you share it with your blood relatives. Get it? So watch out.

  "My husband's Great Aunt was once a patient at Texas Presbyterian! Am I at risk?"

No, you idiot. You're not related to your husband by blood are you? No? Then you're fine. Just stay away from his diarrhea when he gets Ebola (which he definitely will), and control your carnal urges once he has succumbed.

Can Ebola be transmitted through coughing?

100% definitely yes, especially if someone with Ebola coughs a big ball of bloody phlegm directly into your mouth. Please try to avoid this!!

Why are they bringing infected American doctors and aid workers back to the United States where they might infect others?

I don't know, but the better question is, why are they bringing them back on commercial flights sitting in coach in the middle seat between an old woman and a pregnant woman with a baby? Seems awfully irresponsible if you ask me. At least seat them on the aisle or something.

It's to save money, I bet. The economy being what it is.

Can I get Ebola from being in the same city as someone who has it?

Well, you certainly can't get it from NOT being in the same city as someone who has it, so I guess that answers your question, huh? Watch your back. Especially you folks in the DC area, where that infected nurse was transported. Y'all are gonna die.

Why isn't Obama doing more about this?

I saw this on Good Morning America as well: some ridiculous majority of Americans apparently feel that Obama isn't doing enough to stop the Ebola outbreak.

Umm, hello ... Obama created Ebola and released it within the US to create fear and panic and consolidate his own control over the populace. Wake up, sheeple. Now you want him to do more??!? HASN'T HE DONE ENOUGH?

Obama will allow the Ebola cure to go public once enough people have died and his blood lust has been sated. It's like 9/11 all over again, but on a smaller scale and with a lot more diarrhea.


Diarrhea death dealer



Well guys, I hope this cleared some things up. I know I feel a lot more knowledgeable about Ebola now.

If you'd like to do some further reading on the subject that is actually accurate, I'd recommend reading up on the CDC website: http://www.cdc.gov/vhf/ebola/ 

Otherwise, please enjoy this infographic I put together for you, which is pretty much just the CDC website summarized in pictures:

Actually this seems like a pretty amazing outcome. I hope I get Ebola next!

Friday, October 17, 2014

Animated GIF Friday: Fever Dreams

I have been home most of the week with my daughter, who has been sick with a fever for days. She finally woke up without one this morning, so life is back to normal for the time being. But since I'm totally and hopelessly discombobulated from days spent caring for a sick baby, I can't form thoughts coherent enough to write an actual post. So instead, here is an animated GIF of the fever dreams Audrey and I have been enjoying for the past several days:




I've watched it all the way through at least five times now and I'm no closer to understanding it.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Jokes so bad you'll get a nosebleed: with pictures!

There's just no excuse for any of this.

Enjoy.


















You're dumber now. Go ahead, try and do some math. I bet you can't anymore.