Blog Archive

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

My 4-year-old daughter draws pictures and they're all terrifying

Hey there everyone! Long time no speak. Last time we met, Trevor had just turned one, which means it's been nearly two years since I've posted. My bad.

Today, we are here to discuss Audrey, who is now a precocious 4-year-old. And to my great delight, she is also a burgeoning artist.

In fact, she's not just burgeoning. She's a star. Her drawings are incredible!

There's just one thing: all her drawings are terrifying. All of them.

I don't know what it is exactly, but every single thing she draws looks like demon spawn straight from hell. And somehow, each drawing is even MORE terrifying than the one that preceded it. I tried to copy a simple drawing of hers, but mine fell woefully short of the mark. Mine just looked like a sad pen drawing made by a slightly deranged incompetent drunk person:

But hers? NIGHTMARE.

Without further ado, let's take a look at some more of Audrey's beautiful artwork.

What the fuck.

These look like a collection of tortured souls waiting for their turn to be escorted into Hell.
I'm especially concerned about the one on the bottom row second from the right. Why are his eyes different? And what's with the one on the bottom left? Why is he the only one with legs?

My best guess is that this is a hideous ghost demon with another soul trapped inside him. The soul trapped inside seems remarkably okay with the whole situation. He's come to terms with it. "This is fine."

Here's a nice family portrait! Not too bad actually. But wait, there's a follow-up ...

This family portrait raises more concerns. And why are we all wearing nipple clamps?
Our mouths are open as we scream but I get the bad feeling there's no sound coming out.

This was supposed to be a "happy guy, a scared guy, and a funny guy."
Nailed it.

This is a portrait of Audrey and Trevor. She asked me to help her out by drawing the outline of the heads and bodies, and then she drew everything else.
As near as I can tell, they have both been hypnotized by dark spirits. Their hands have become claws and the sun has turned black as the dark spirits run riot through their impressionable young minds.
They will be doing the spirit's bidding. I am not likely to survive the night.

So there you have it -- some super stellar artwork that she makes me hang up in my house and it's not at all frightening. 

In fact, several of the pictures are hung up on the back patio door, so when you open up the blinds there's this terrifying big reveal and it makes me laugh every time someone sees it for the first time and screams.

Kids are fun.