First up ...
-- I was reading this article on Reuters and the advertisement that took up the entire rest of the page was for some financial firm called CIT. Both the top banner ad and the left-side banner ad both contained definitions for the word "growmentum," some stupid corporate buzzword that these idiots apparently made up that combines growth with momentum.
As soon as I saw this word emblazoned on the page, I immediately got this strong urge to commit homicide. I HATE stupid made-up corporate buzzwords. I would rather watch a thousand videos of dolphins doing the Harlem Shake (ooooooomg do you think there are any videos of dolphins doing the Harlem Shake??!) than look for one more second at this insulting, infuriating, TERRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A WORD.
Oh god, every time I leave the office to go to the bathroom or get some water, I come back and see it and it makes me mad all over again.
This is the guy who came up with that horseshit.
F*** you, CIT Corporate Finance. I hope you go out of business and everyone who works there gets a drug problem. And also syphilis.
-- My high school ten year reunion is coming up this summer, and when I saw the event on Facebook and read through the wall posts and comments, I realized that I don't remember anyone/anything about high school. My graduating class was under 400 people, and I'm sure that at the time I was at least AWARE of everyone by name. But looking at these people commenting about how excited they are, I was like "who the hell are you? You didn't go to my high school. I don't remember you at all." I would even pull up their profile pictures, and then look at other profile pictures to maybe get a better angle, and still, nope, nothing. No recollection. Without using Facebook to cheat, I could probably have named maybe ten people that I went to high school with. (this is just what happens when you go to college across the country and then stay there for ten years)
I thought this was weird, though, so I spent some time thinking really hard and trying to call up a few more high school memories. The first and only memory that came to me was this: one day, we were in the girls' locker room getting changed for gym class. I would have been about 17 at the time. This one girl, whose name I can't remember, was talking about ass cellulite and said something like "yeah, I don't really worry about a little cellulite on my ass. I mean, all women have it. ALL women." And I looked at her with unbridled disgust and announced that "I don't!" To me, her statement was the equivalent of saying "ALL women have hairy asses, so there's no point in shaving mine" or "oh please, EVERYONE diarrheas their pants in front of their in-laws at least ONCE in their life!" What? No they don't. That is madness. Anyway, my look of horror and disgust totally took the wind out of her sails and likely gave her self esteem issues that she didn't have before, and looking back on this whole thing, I feel pretty bad about it.
Pictured: How to make friends with women.
You guys, seriously, that is the only thing that happened in high school that I could remember off the top of my head.
So what the hell does that say about me???
I don't think I'll be attending my reunion, though.
I think it's for the best. I wasn't very nice back then. I had a great ass, though.