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Friday, May 10, 2013

The baby can hear you now! So SHUT THE HELL UP GODDAMMIT.

Every Monday I cross over into a new "week" of pregnancy, so every Monday I read some online descriptions of what baby will be up to this particular week. This past Monday I hit 18 weeks and learned that 1) baby is the size of a bell pepper, and 2) apparently, baby's ears are developed enough to be able to hear things going on in the outside world. Oh boy!

I told Jesse this as soon as I found out, and he immediately put his head next to my belly and ... 

started making fart noises and shouting "ABABABBAABBBABABABABA." 

So I did what anyone would do in that situation -- I shoved his face away from my belly and demanded to know what the hell he was doing. And he was all "well the baby can hear me so I want it to get used to the sound of my voice!" And so I was all "well then why the hell are you farting and shouting nonsense at it?" and he didn't have a good answer to that. So I felt obliged to inform him that now that baby has the ability to hear him, it also has the ability to find him annoying. 

So then Jesse wondered if the baby also had the ability to take sides in an argument such as this one, because if so, it would probably side with him because babies think fart noises and nonsense sounds are HILARIOUS. And while that may be true, I just don't think screaming "AGABAGABAGABAGAGAAAAAA!" at my stomach is the best use of anyone's time. Plus, it's just disconcerting. I mean, why would anyone's first instinct be to make a bunch of random loud noise at someone just after being informed that they can hear you?

Okay, actually, that would be awesome.

Alright, well, in that case ... maybe we'll just stick to loving affirmations and folk music.

And fart noises.

Babies love that shit.

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