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Monday, December 30, 2013

Things in movies that always piss me off

Audrey has been gassy all weekend (and if you're already a parent, then you know that having a gassy baby is pretty much the worst thing that can possibly happen to you. Why can't she just lie on her stomach and push out some farts? WHY CAN'T SHE JUST DO THAT?! I've learned to pump her legs up towards her chest in my sleep, at least, so that helps a little) so I don't really have much of a real post for you. Instead, here is a list of things that always happen in movies that bother me.

I try not to be the kind of person who is like "point of order: that explosion would have killed him, not merely tossed him through the air a few feet" or "point of order: he wouldn't be able to hear anything after firing that automatic weapon indoors" but there are some things that I just can't abide. Such as ...

Nobody ever says goodbye before hanging up the phone

The conversation is "over" as far as the plot is concerned, so the speaker just hangs up. But how was the other person supposed to know the conversation was over? It's not like it was obvious! I just imagine this sort of things happens:

Ten minutes later:

People always make dates with strangers and are like "see you at eight!" but they never exchange phone numbers or addresses

Okay, I know that audiences aren't keenly interested in watching people exchange contact info, but HOW THE F*** ARE YOU GOING TO PICK SOMEONE UP IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY LIVE.

This bothers me so routinely that I nearly applauded when in The Departed, Vera Farmiga's character gave Matt Damon's character her business card so that he could call her to arrange a date. Most other movies would have been all "hey total stranger that I flirted with in the elevator, I will come to your house later and pick you up for a date. Don't worry; I've been stalking you for months so of course I know where you live." 

Or maybe they were wearing spy glasses and so they have a picture of your face that they can run through the FBI database to find out your name. Many things are possible.

Maybe they just drive around knocking on every door until they find the right one!!

Yes. That must be it.

Necklaces can all be removed merely by pulling on them

Is someone wearing a necklace that you want to take from them? No problem -- just grab the front of it and give it one sharp tug, and it'll come right off. Because apparently all necklaces have quick-release safety clasps on the back.

It's one thing if it's some dainty little chain that might just break when pulled on -- I could understand that. But yesterday Jesse and I were watching Lone Ranger and someone managed to remove a LEATHER necklace by pulling on it. A leather necklace that clasped in the front.

Because apparently, one swift yank will tear through leather cords like they were made of tissue paper.


Someone please get them to stop doing this. Or at least, make sure it always results in an unintentional kiss. That would really make my day.

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