FRED THE TURKEY
Once upon a time, there was a turkey named Fred.
Fred was a very busy turkey, involved in lots of clubs and sports and other extracurricular activities at school. Fred did all this because he wanted to get accepted to a top tier university.
One day, Fred came home from tennis practice because he needed to take a quick shower and change his clothes before heading out to theater rehearsal. Unfortunately, Fred realized that he had forgotten his keys, and his parents weren't home!
Fred's parents were too paranoid to have a key code for the garage door or to leave a key hidden outside in one of those fake dog poops, though.
But then, Fred suddenly remembered that his bedroom window was unlocked! All he had to do was climb up to the second floor and get to his window, and he could get into the house to shower and change!
Fred started to climb up the gutter near his window, and everything was going well. All those sports were paying off -- his wing strength was unmatched!
But then he lost his grip and fell down. He suffered compound fractures to both legs and slowly bled to death on the back patio, alone.
BURT THE TURTLE
Once upon a time, there was a turtle named Burt.
Burt had a huge crush on a girl named Sandy. Sandy was very pretty and kind, and he liked her a whole lot.
One day, Burt got up the courage to ask Sandy out on a turtle date. So he walked up to her, took a deep breath, and asked if she wanted to go out to a movie with him sometime.
Sandy smiled at Burt, but then shattered his heart into a million pieces by saying the sentence no turtle wants to hear: "I'm really flattered, Burt, but I actually have a boyfriend so it would be inappropriate for me to go see a movie with you. I wish you lots of luck in your future romantic endeavors, though! You're a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to have you."
Burt was very sad, and he didn't like feeling sad, so instead he turned his sadness into anger. And he shouted at her, "Whatever! I never wanted to go out with you anyway! You're ugly and a big slut!"
Sandy shook her head sadly and said to Burt, "I know you're just saying those things out of hurt, but how you handle rejection says a lot about what kind of man you are. A moment ago, you wanted to take me to a movie, but now you're claiming that I'm 'ugly' and that you never wanted to go out with me. That is obviously false. Plus, how does it make sense to call me a slut because I WON'T go on a date with you? Isn't the very definition of a slut someone who dishes out romantic and sexual attention to everyone who comes along?"
Burt sighed and walked away, but he couldn't stop thinking about what Sandy had said. Maybe she was right? Maybe he needed to work on fixing his perception of women and their role in his life?
In the end, Burt decided that Sandy was just a dumb bitch who didn't know anything except how to be a slut, so he ignored her advice. A few years later, Burt found a girl with very low self esteem who he was able to manipulate and control. His behavior escalated over time and now he's in jail for domestic violence.
Sandy went on to be elected President.
This has been a lot of fun. I should totally write a book of short stories for children.