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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The many faces of Elmo

I think we all know at this point that Elmo is Audrey's most favorite thing. If you don't believe me, here is a picture of her losing her mind when she saw her own Elmo shirt on my phone screen as we took a selfie together:


She has several Elmo dolls that live in our house and travel with us ... and they all have this same big grin on their faces. A grin that, depending on the situation, can become quite ... uncomfortable.

Here is Elmo in his natural state, looking happy/creepy as can be.

Here are a few photos of Elmo looking kind of terrifying:

Elmo the Potty Pal

This photo first appeared in this post about how Audrey might be a psychopath. She was playing with her new potty, and she put Elmo into the waste compartment before sitting on him and going potty.

I don't think Elmo particularly liked being in that position.

"Elmo has said 'no' but Elmo's friend still did not stop."

Suddenly, his big grin doesn't seem so happy. It seems like the grin of someone whose eyes are screaming "help me."

Elmo and the Black Cloud of Depression

Kermit always says it ain't easy being green, but has anyone talked about whether or not it's easy being red? People assume Elmo is always smiling because he's always happy ... but has anyone stopped to consider the possibility that maybe he's just putting up a front to cover the turmoil he feels inside?

Here's a picture that Audrey took with my phone, which I think captures a rare glimpse into what it's really like to be Elmo. Perhaps it's not as great as we've all led ourselves to believe.

"Elmo wonders if anyone would miss him if he died tomorrow."

Or, maybe I just shouldn't let my toddler take pictures with my phone, because they are always crap and she always takes like 25 of them at a time and it's a pain in the ass to delete that many pictures of the wall and the TV screen. 

Nah, definitely the Elmo is depressed thing.

Elmo is Watching You

This situation arose naturally after I packed up all our crap to head home from a weekend at my parents' house. I had tossed Elmo into the bag and then put a bunch of stuff on top of him ... but apparently he decided that he wanted to be able to see what was going on around him, like some sort of Super Creep.

"Elmo can seeeeee you."

I can't see his mouth, so I can't tell if he's smiling as usual. Are his eyes smiling? ARE THEY??!

Here is an artist's rendering of what the rest of Elmo's face probably looks like, depending on what you were doing at the time (let's face it: you were probably doing something bad, though):

"Elmo is horrified and disappointed."

Elmo Has No Escape

The lady who cleans our house every month is totally awesome, and one of the things she always does is gather up any crap that's lying around and shove it into whatever bags are lying around, so our house doesn't look so cluttered.

This is great most of the time ... and other times, it's EVEN MORE THAN MERELY GREAT.

Such as when I came home to this in the front entryway:

"Elmo has resigned himself to his fate."

Ummm ... I'm sure he can breathe just fine in there. 

... right?

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