"Why?" you ask. "Why deprive the world of such an effective means of getting drunk quickly? Why limit your friends to conventional drinks made without the benefit of 198-proof grain alcohol? HAVE YOU A FEVER? SHALL WE SEEK A DOCTOR???"
Well, friends, let me explain why, with this little story about what happens every time I bring Jungle Juice to a party.
I WARN EVERYONE ABOUT ALL THE TERRIBLE THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN IF THEY DRINK IT
- You will have absolutely no filter, and will shout things you later wish you'd kept to yourself
- Smoking cigarettes while hating everyone? Totally cool.
- Driving way over the speed limit? Super duper cool.
- Swimming alone at night in shark-infested water? BEYOND COOL.
EVERYTHING I WARNED ABOUT IN PART 1 HAPPENS TO ME
Everything. Shouting, vomiting, memory-erasing, falling down, hangover.
Hey, what's this? Someone got me a birthday card! But my birthday isn't til October!
From now on, you make your own damn Jungle Juice. And don't let me have any.