Things I won't miss about DC: Part 1

As we enter our last week living in the DC area, I think it's time for me to summarize my experiences here. You know, for the sake of my sanity and for the closure and all that.

And as an excuse to draw some more pictures. (Apologies in advance: the DC folks will probably find this much funnier than the rest of ya)

I'll start with the negative (which will probably take several posts to get through), and then if I can think of anything nice to say, I'll save that for last. Are we ready? Here I go!

Things I Won't Miss About DC

1

The Crackheads are EVERYWHERE

In most cities, it seems like the crackheads have their own section of town. Regular people generally know not to go there, and so the crackheads and the regular people are kept away from each other by a natural geographic divide.

Not so in DC. The crackheads are everywhere, at all hours of the day.

Walking to the office at 8:45AM on a Tuesday:

You always have to pay careful attention, as you might need to cross the street to avoid a crazed, jabbering crackhead.

Sightseeing:

Sorry, tourists. Have fun explaining to your kids why the crazy man chased them down the street!

Working:

I'm not gonna say they installed a badge reader on my building because of the crackheads, but I'm not gonna say that's not the reason, either.

2

People Do NOT Know How to Drive

It's not that they're aggressive. It's that they're bad. They don't know how to do basic things like merge, and don't understand basic rules like "don't make a U-turn into other cars." In fact, they're so bad that a recent report said DC drivers get in a crash every 4 years on average. No wonder my insurance is so damn expensive.

Of course, part of the problem may be that ...

3

The Streets are All Fuckered Up

Here's how I think things went down when the map of DC was being put together:

4

Everything Gets Turned into a Political Discussion

This damn place is full of douchey Hill interns and douchey grad students who think that everything everything EVERYTHING should be linked back to a political discussion. It is the only thing they can think of to talk about. Dudes, get a hobby. Seriously.

I find their conversation so boring that I'm trying to look around them to see what the hell is on that TV back there. It looks like something I'd enjoy watching.

5

There are Fucking Hipsters Everywhere With Their Stupid Scarves and Plaid Shirts and Stupid Glasses and Fucking OBX Stickers On Their Cars

'Nuff said.

Stay tuned for more, once I calm down from the rage I achieved while thinking about those fucking hipsters.

I'M NEVER GOING TO THE OUTER BANKS BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE!