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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

What is wrong with men these days

I have a very Hemingway-esque view on the roles of men and women. I expect men to be able to do man stuff, and I expect women to be able to do woman stuff. If people of each gender are able to also do the other gender's stuff, then more power to them; however, they need to make sure to master their own shit first.

Example: Michelle Rodriguez in the Fast and the Furious is irresistibly attractive because she is hot AND she works on cars.

But, when someone is utterly unable to perform the tasks required of their gender, I roll my eyes at them. I don't care if it's 2012 and a modern society and all that. I'm old-school, and my expectations for men are especially high. So, here are a few of the types of men who really piss me off these days:

Men Who Call Triple A When They Get a Flat Tire

Men, do you know how to change a tire? If not, what are you waiting for? You're an embarassment to yourself, to your father, and to your grandfather. Here, the Internet wants to teach you:

(and women, you should learn how to do this as well)

If you get a flat tire and you're not wearing a white tuxedo at the time, change that shit yourself. You big pussy.

What kind of asshole makes his wife/girlfriend sit on the side of the road for hours because he's too useless to spend five minutes putting on the spare tire??? Shameful. I hope the bear eats him first and then Chuck Norris shows up just in time to save the girl.

Men Who Get Manicures and Pedicures

Sorry boys; there's just no excuse for this. Don't feel bad; there are plenty of things we women don't get to do, like pee standing up. You'll just have to get over it.


Men Whose Sense of Personal Style Sets Off my Gay-dar

Interaction with a gay man at a bar:

Interaction with a similarly-dressed straight man at a bar:

(apologies to Clinton Kelly, who is a class act and would never say "I wanna sex you up" to a chick at a bar ... for a variety of reasons)

Gents, just remember: if your quarry is straight women, dress like a straight man. Dressing like a gay man won't really get you where you want to be, if you know what I mean.

Men Who Reject Any Confrontation

Men Who Drink Girly Drinks With Little Pink Umbrellas

When done ironically or sparingly and with full knowledge that it is girly, this can be cute.

When done all the time ... no. Just no.

Welp, I guess every rule has its exceptions. Carry on, Jean Claude. Carry on.

And men, get your shit together. Seriously. Or when the zombies come, you'll be the first to go. And I will laugh and laugh and laugh.

Aw, now you done pissed off Michelle Rodriguez. Better start running.

1 comment:

  1. I am just thankful that woman can have non-girly drinks and it still be acceptable...

    That would be hell :/