Yeah yeah, plenty of people in the world have it way worse than I ever will. I get that. But still, every so often, something happens that gets me thinking “aww, man, is there ANYTHING worse than when _______ happens???”
Of course I know that there are plenty of worse things that could happen … but at the time, whatever ______ is really, really sucks.
Here are a few examples of things that get me wondering just what in the world could possibly be worse:
Is There Anything Worse Than When a Food Service Employee Doesn’t Hear You Say “That’s Enough, Thanks”?
You’re at Subway watching the “sandwich artist” mustard up your turkey on wheat. The amount of mustard reaches a Goldilocksian level of perfection, so you tell her it’s enough mustard and she can stop. But she doesn’t hear you and keeps pouring it on there, turning your once-tasty sub into this:
I really hate when that happens.
Or you’re at Chipotle and you ask for just one scoop of rice. Oh, but clearly when you said “one” you really meant “two heaping helpings” … so your Chipotle burrito is a big fat toddler-sized mound of disappointment. There is so much rice they don’t even have room to put my standard two heaping helpings of pico de gallo L
The waiter at the restaurant hopelessly over-peppers your salad.
Your coffee-to-cream ratio is just a mess.
Man, is there ANYTHING worse??
*Possible worse things: chronic hemorrhoids, causing a major car wreck, a cholera epidemic
Is There Anything Worse Than Biting Into Something and Discovering It Isn’t What You Thought It Was?
I hate olives. I absolutely hate them. They are terrible in every way.
My husband also hates olives and thinks they are terrible in every way.
So no shit, there we were at our wedding. Jesse and I had chosen all the food, but that was months prior so we had pretty much forgotten everything we’d picked. But we knew it was all going to be awesome because it was all things we had chosen, and we have excellent taste.
So imagine my surprise when my brother and I each bit into a cracker spread with some tasty-looking something-or-other and discovered that it was OLIVE TAPENADE?
My reaction was not very bridal.
But seriously … it sucks when you expect something to be sweet so you take a big bite and it turns out to be salty. Or you expect a refreshing cold drink and take a huge, mouth-burning swig of something boiling hot. You expect something to be tasty and it turns out to be HIDEOUSLY DISGRACEFULLY AWFUL. But being civilized people, we can’t just spit it back out onto our plates. We have to choke it down.
Man, is there ANYTHING worse?
*Possible worse things: Getting attacked by a Godzilla, butt cancer, your eyeballs both falling out
Is There Anything Worse Than Forgetting Your Gas Tank Is Empty Until You’re In a Huge Rush?
For this very reason, I have a policy against parking my car at home if the gas is low. I MUST get gas before my car is allowed in the driveway.
Because seriously, I can’t think of ANYTHING worse.
*Possible worse things: Your dog being taken by a hawk, losing priceless family heirlooms in the ocean, dying suddenly for no reason
Is There Anything Worse Than Waking Up Before Your Alarm?
I always have to pee as soon as I wake up. And if I wake up before the alarm, then even if I can get back to sleep, it won’t be good sleep because I have to pee so badly. And if I get up to pee … well, you can forget getting back to sleep afterwards.
Okay, there are plenty of worse things than that.
Like … an over-mustarded sandwich. Or an unexpected mouthful of mushrooms (aka DEVIL FUNGUS).
A tree falling on you.
Man, is there anything worse than having a tree fall on you?
I didn’t think so.