Commercials that don't make any sense

You know that feeling you get when you’re watching a TV commercial and all of a sudden you’re like ‘wait, what the FUCK?!’ because whatever’s happening in the commercial has absolutely no relation to what would happen in real life?

This happens to me a lot.

Like, a LOT a lot. Enough that this might become another topic I return to when I can’t think of anything else to write.

Let’s take a gander at what commercials have been pissing me off lately:

Liquid Plumr Double Impact Commercial:

Watch it here

So, in this commercial, some lady at the grocery store has a fantasy about two hunks coming to her house to sexily assist her in unclogging a drain.

 

 

Time out: have any of these people ever actually unclogged a drain before?

They’re picturing this:

A beautiful woman uses a fancy tool to unclog a drain while two handsome studs watch lustily.

But the reality (at least at our house) looks a lot more like this:

A beautiful woman uses chopsticks and a rubber glove to pull a giant, wet, shampoo-filled hairball out of the drain while a handsome stud -- who happens to be a COMBAT MEDIC -- gags into the toilet.

(Seriously: Jesse could stitch up a spurting artery without batting an eye … but de-hairing a drain makes him gag to the point of nearly throwing up.)

Call me crazy, but I just don't think there is anything sexy about this.

 

Education Connection Commercial starring Shannen Doherty:

Watch it here

In this commercial, former Beverly Hills 90210 star Shannen Doherty endorses a cheesy online university program. Wherever you’re sitting right now – that could be your classroom!!!

Okay … trying to be as diplomatic as possible: I do not find this to be realistic:

I picture something more like …

Thanks anyway, though, Education Connection.

(to be fair, according to The Interwebz Shannen Doherty has never had a drug problem. But whenever I see washed-up celebrities on TV hucking random shit, I figure they’re just trying to save up for more crack)

 

Bounty Paper Towels Commercial:

I don’t have a link for this because I don’t need one. Every paper towel commercial is the same:

1 – some family member, either a husband, small child, or a dog, does something stupid and makes an alarmingly horrifying mess

2 – wife/mother reacts calmly, smiling and cleaning up the entire mess

Whoa, save it for the jury, lady.

In some variations of this commercial, the small child/dog makes a brand new mess the instant Mom finishes cleaning up the first one.

Jesus.

Now, I am not a mother and I don’t have a dog. But I am a wife, and I am married to a man who makes large messes quite often. So I can say with a fair degree of certainty and based on a fair amount of experience that those commercials make no sense. Here’s how these things tend to go in OUR house:

 I mean, come on, right?!

Carl’s Jr. Burger Commercial:

(not the one I made fun of in Gremlins – a different, equally grotesque commercial found here)

 

In this commercial, some hot bitches make a pulled pork burger, then look longingly into each other's eyes and wrap arms to take a bite.

 

QUIT TRYING TO MAKE HAMBURGERS SEXY, CARL'S JR.

 

 

THEY AREN’T SEXY.

 

AT ALL.

They are, however, delicious.

Now I want one.

Dammit.