Friday Poundings: 100th Post! Let's complain about stuff!!!

You know what's been grinding my gears this week? Of course you don't -- I haven't told you yet. But there are two things specifically that are making me want to punch a wall this fine day:

Let's draw conclusions about Global Warming!

Global warming/climate change is real, and it's caused by humans. Unless it isn't. Whatever; I don't care. At least I certainly don't care enough to research and write a blog post about it. And if I did, none of you would read it, because I'm just your source on important topics like projectile vomiting and what badly-drawn animals would look like if you gave them weapons. I'm fine with that.

But hey, you know what's annoying? When people make comments -- on Facebook, Twitter, or even "real life" (real life? what?!) -- drawing conclusions about global warming based on ONE SINGLE DAY'S TEMPERATURE IN ONE SINGLE GEOGRAPHIC AREA.

You know you've seen this. It'll sound something like "Snowing in the Bahamas today. Hey liberals, where's your GLOBAL WARMING now?!?!" or "Enjoying the beach here in Massachusetts in the middle of January. OH, BUT THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS GLOBAL WARMING [smirk]."

Dude ... shut up. You are stupid. Drawing conclusions about something as complex as weather patterns based on one day's temperature is like drawing conclusions about an entire race of people based on that one Japanese kid you had math class with who blew his nose into his shirt one time and it was gross so DAMN JAPANESE PEOPLE ALL GROSS AND BLOWING THEIR NOSES INTO THEIR SHIRTS.

Extrapolating trends from a sample size of one is what idiots and assholes do. So unless you're an idiot or an asshole, stop doing this. It just makes you sound like a smug sh*thead, no matter which side you're on.

You don't want to be like Donald Trump, do you? DO YOU?!?!?!

Comparing countries with the US as if they're exactly the same except for this one little thing

This sh*t happens all the time in the gun control debate, just like it did when healthcare reform was going on, and just like it does pretty much every time some legislative change is being considered that resembles a similar law in another country. This particular bit of assholery looks like this:

"In Canada, there is only one murder per year. You know why? Because Canada has GUN LAWS." (plus the guy that kills one person per year is always one step ahead of the cops!)

Okay ... let's think for a second. Is this person really trying to argue that Canada and the United States are exactly the same except for those pesky differences in gun laws?! Like there's some world experiment going on in which the US is the control group and Canada is the group that experiments with different laws that have, lo and behold, led to less murder? 

Because that is idiotic. Canada and the US may have a lot in common, but they're also very, very different -- they have different cultures and different histories that have led to totally different attitudes towards firearms. For instance, Canada had no Revolutionary War against Britain fought by armed militias, and thus no Second Amendment and no strong, deep, borderline-religious ties to that ol' right to bear arms. Kind of important.

And culture? Picture a Canadian gang member. Just go ahead and conjure up that image. 

Is this what you came up with?

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES; SHE'S GOT A HOCKEY STICK!

Apologies to all my Canadian relatives. I'm a US citizen now, and as such, I have forsaken you.

They're not the same country, y'all. Once again, if you're going to argue a point, at least make some half-hearted effort to go beyond the laziest, stupidest kind of debate tactics.

BUT THAT'S ENOUGH RANTING! Because guess what??! This is the 100th post in Double-Headed Shart Attack! Woohoooooooo!!!! Here is the number 100 made entirely out of pictures from this blog:

CAN YOU IDENTIFY THEM ALL??

And just so you know, Monday's post will examine the current state of baby names. In discussing it, Jesse and I came up with the most epic baby name of all time. So epic, in fact, that after we came up with it I couldn't sleep for like two hours because I kept thinking about it and laughing hysterically.

NONE OF YOU BETTER STEAL IT.

I'M GIVING IT TO ALL MY KIDS. THEY WILL JUST HAVE TO BE NUMBERED LIKE GEORGE FOREMAN'S OFFSPRING.

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT'S CALLED "GOOD PARENTING."