Coworkers just CANNOT resist pointing out ...

Ah, coworkers. Bless their hearts. They're like this weird cross between friends and family -- you're forced to interact with them against your will, like family, but you can't just be openly rude to them and say whatever you want, so they're kinda like friends. Or acquaintances. Whoever you're not supposed to yell "shut up!" at.

Either way, there is no other group of people I can think of that you could be forced to spend so much time with that you didn't choose to be around.

Part of this bizarre coworker relationship is trying to find things to talk about when you've got nothing in common ... and one great ice-breaker for when you run into someone by the coffee machine is that old favorite "pointing out things that you have noticed about the other person." And if you've worked with the same group of people for long enough, you'll suddenly find yourself dreading certain of these observations that they just can't help making. Tell me I'm not the only one who has actually changed their behavior slightly to avoid having coworkers point out things like ...

1

Sunburns

Sometimes, I have been known to enjoy spending a little time outside. And sometimes, I get a little cocky thinking my skin can absorb more sun than it actually can. This just happened to me this past weekend, in fact, during my hike. And you would not believe how I agonized over my choice of what to wear to work on Monday, because I was desperate to avoid this:

The thing about this observation is that it's never phrased like a question or used as a way of starting a conversation. If someone were to say something like "wow, looks like you got some sun over the weekend! Were you doing something fun, I hope?" then I could be like "hell yeah, I went on this amazing hike and had the best time!"

But no. It never goes that way.

Thanks, Nancy. I hadn't noticed.

2

Any change to your physical appearance

Ever bought a new outfit and then been kind of afraid to wear it to work? How about debuting a new hair color or style?

Honestly, sometimes it's enough to keep me from making any changes to my appearance whatsoever.

Donna doesn't miss much.

3

If they can identify what you're eating by the smell

This is not some kind of trivia game, guys. It's just my lunch, which I would like to heat up and then eat in peace.

Okay, it's not always my lunch. Sometimes it's second or third breakfast, or post-lunch second snack.

Sigh.

4

Noting your arrivals and departures

There is one woman at work who sits right out at the front entrance to the office suite, while my office is in the back corner. I arrive before her a good 60-70% of the time. And yet, this always happens:

I got here before you, lady. You know, like I do more than half the time. Like I did yesterday. And the day before yesterday.

Now you see why I usually just bring in spaghetti to reheat. If I'm sneaky enough, I can actually eat lunch without being interrogated.

And don't even think about leaving a few hours early for a doctors' appointment -- not unless you've cleared it with her first.

I am convinced that every office has one person like this. It is inevitable.

Also, I work 8-4 while most of the people in the office here work 8-5. I don't know why I work one hour less, but I do, and that's my schedule. I have been working 8-4 since I arrived at this office at the start of October. At least once a week, however, this happens:

Nah, but it's cool. I actually like my coworkers a lot.

They just really need to get their shit together.

Or maybe I just really am not suited to working in an office environment ...