I'm way too immature to play Plague on the iPhone

A couple people told me I should play this iPhone game called Plague, Inc. Basically you start a plague and you get points to keep evolving it until you kill the whole world. Neat enough idea, I guess.

But you guys ... in a stroke of genius ... I named my disease "Butts."

"Butts."

Enjoy these butts, because the rest of them will not be nearly as nice.

Now, I've made some pretty solid decisions in my life -- decisions that have gotten me to where I am now, decisions that have brought me great happiness, and decisions that have set me up well for the future.

But none of those decisions even comes CLOSE to measuring up to the decision to name my disease "Butts."


The game consistently updates me on how my disease is doing. This means I get updates such as:

"Butts infects thousands."

"Butts has infected more people in the world than TB. It is a very infectious disease."

"Butts has been spotted."

"First death from Butts has been confirmed."

"Butts has infected more people in the world than HIV."

"Butts has mutated."

"Butts is the ultimate infectious disease."

"South Africa has become the first country to try to limit the spread of Butts by limiting access into and out of the country."

"Butts has mutated and developed the Cysts symptom."

"Normal life in Indonesia is beginning to break down due to Butts."

"Butts is spreading fast."

"Central Africa is first to fall into anarchy due to Butts."

"Butts has somehow managed to infect Greenland!"

"Butts placed on watchlist."

"Butts killed all its hosts."

BUTTS KILLED EVERYONE ON EARTH. THERE IS NO CURE FOR BUTTS!!!!

Also, if you want to play Plague, Inc, may I recommend naming your disease something awesome? If you need any ideas, just ask me -- I've got plenty.

 OH GOD SAVE YOURSELVES!!!!!

*drops microphone; strides off stage*