Blog Archive

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

We have another ghost

You might recall that our old house may or may not have been haunted by the ghost of the prior resident who had committed suicide there.

Well, I guess our bad luck continues (though arguably the bad luck isn't OURS so much as whoever lives in houses before us), because our new house might be haunted too. As we were in the process of purchasing the house, the guy who was renting the house unfortunately died right in the middle of the living room, probably from some kind of aneurysm or embolism or other -ism that ends in fairly young, healthy people dying very suddenly.

Despite this unforeseen disaster, I wasn't particularly worried about there being a ghost in the house. Y'know, since I don't really believe in them and all.

But ... well ...

Audrey talks an awful lot about ghosts now.

A whole awful lot.

And she's never talked about ghosts before.

Is there really a ghost in the house, or is she just letting her little kid imagination run wild? I'll let you be the judge, based on these conversations she and I have had about the ghost:

One day, she told me that she was scared because there was a ghost. I asked her where the ghost was, and she pointed to the top of the spiral staircase that leads to the finished basement. So I picked her up and carried her a little closer to the stairs, and she pointed downwards, saying that the ghost was on the stairs. I got a bit freaked out (because everyone knows kids can see ghosts) and asked her if the ghost was nice. Even though she was clearly frightened, she said that he was nice, and that he was going downstairs to play with her dishes (note that her play kitchen and all its accessories are down in the basement). I called down the stairs "Hi ghost! Be careful with Audrey's dishes and put them away when you're done please!", thinking that being totally calm about the ghost would keep Audrey from getting scared. But the closer we got to the top of the staircase, the more she freaked out.

I'm not gonna lie -- seeing a small child become visibly distressed because we're getting too close to the ghost she sees on the staircase kind of spooked me. She pretty much had me convinced that there was a real ghost.

A ghost who likes to play pretend kitchen. A doughnut on a hamburger? Ghost, you've gone completely mental!

Audrey often talks about the ghost in the morning when we're leaving for daycare. It is still dark out when we leave, and the stupid motion activated outside lights don't work very reliably, so it can be pretty friggin' dark out there as we lock up the house and head for the car. I always leave Audrey on the porch while I put Trevor's car seat in the car, and then come back to get her. It's when I come back to get her that she starts going on about the ghost.

The other day, she told me that the ghost was singing. Once again, this made me feel pretty nervous and uncomfortable ... until I asked her what he was singing. She told me that the ghost was singing "Ghost Song", which she then sang for me. It was set to the tune of "Elmo's Song", and just went "la-la la-la, la-la la-la, GHOST SONG!"

I mean, the original "Elmo's Song" even contains the lines "Elmo wrote the music / he wrote the words" so it's not like you can claim ignorance, Ghost. You just straight-up stole that shit.

From that moment on, I resolved to no longer be afraid of the ghost, even if he's 100% totally real. Because clearly he's aware that he's a ghost, or he wouldn't have called himself a ghost while singing his song. Movies have taught me that ghosts are at their most dangerous when they think they're still alive. And clearly he's pretty kid-friendly, having sung Audrey's favorite song after all. I asked her again if the ghost was nice, and she said that he was, and that they were singing "Ghost Song" together. So at least there's that.

I wonder if he's available to babysit?

The most in-depth discussion about the ghost occurred this morning, though, and was the motivation for me to write this post. As I went back to the porch to get Audrey and put her in the car, she told me again that the ghost was outside and that she was scared. I asked her where the ghost was, and she said that he was in Daddy's car, which was parked beside mine in the pitch-black driveway.

So I asked her why he was in Daddy's car -- where was he going? And she announced that he was going shopping. She then spent the entire car ride to daycare monologuing about what the ghost was up to. It went something like this:

"He's going shopping! To get an apple!"

"He has to buy it first, though. Before he eats it." (every time I take Audrey grocery shopping, we pick out an apple first for her to eat while we shop. But I remind her that we have to pay for the apple before she can start eating it, so she always solemnly repeats that "we have to buy it first" whenever apples come up in conversation)

"He's going to buy an apple for me too! And he's going to bite off all the peels!" (Audrey doesn't like apple peels, so when she's eating her apple, she spits out bits of peel into her hand and puts them in an empty produce bag I tie to the cart handle for this purpose. The ghost biting off all the peels for her would therefore be a major help.)

"The ghost is very nice. He's a nice ghost. I want to give him a big hug."

"He's going to do all his shopping. He's going to buy apples. And candy! And he's going to give it to me!"

"I really want to give the ghost a hug!"

"Today is the ghost's birthday. Happy birthday ghost!"

So, in conclusion, do we have a ghost? Probably.

Does the ghost sing Audrey's favorite song while playing with Audrey's favorite toy and going shopping to buy Audrey's favorite things? Uhh, probably not. I think those ideas came from her.

Is today the birthday of the renter who died in the house?

... I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider emailing the former owner to ask if she knows what the guy's birthday was. Because ... what if it's today.

Holy f*** you guys what if it's today.

No comments:

Post a Comment