Here are some of the worst Christmas commercials I’ve seen this year:
Five Hour Energy Commercial
(watch it here)
In this one, a bunch of people are opening their Christmas presents and reacting with unbridled joy when they discover that their thoughtful friends and relatives have given them cases of Five Hour Energy for Christmas.
Ummm … seriously?
Five Hour Energy sucks. It tastes like Robitussin and its energy-giving powers are dubious at best.
But even more importantly, Five Hour Energy is comically inexpensive. Receiving this for Christmas would be like receiving a case of Dr. Pepper or a box of Cheerios.
I just want to make sure I’m on the record about this in case one of you was planning on getting me Five Hour Energy for Christmas. I’d much rather have a couple of broccoli crowns, if it’s all the same to you.
Silly Nana, always confusing my Safeway list with my Christmas list.
(I can't for the life of me find a link to this commercial, so you'll just have to take my word for it)
If the problem with the Five Hour Energy commercial was gift-getters setting their sights too low, the problem with the Hyundai commercial is the exact opposite. In this commercial, a woman opens a present and finds it contains a large knitted winter hat. And she’s all pissed off, because she didn’t want a HAT for Christmas, guys. Bitch wanted a BRAND NEW CAR.
As if brand new cars are a reasonable thing to want for Christmas.
Abby must be quite the basket full of sunbeams! I bet next year she'll want her own condo!
You gotta wonder what sort of atrocious parenting got her into this situation.
Here’s a thought, bitch: you want a brand new car? Go out and get yourself a job, save up and BUY IT YOURSELF. I bet this woman’s the kind of person who opens your present and then immediately asks you for a gift receipt. The only gift she'll be getting from me is a swift kick in the ass.
There were other commercials that were pissing me off lately, but I can’t remember what they were right now so I guess we’ll just have to wait for another installment of Commercials that Don’t Make Sense. At least those Coke polar bears are giving us the year off. Praise the Lord.
Speaking of bad parenting ...