Blog Archive

Friday, December 28, 2012

Patent's Friday Poundings: Doctor Who and having a married Christmas

Friday again! Time for another quick roundup of some of the thoughts that crossed my mind this week:

-- I wanted to write a post about Doctor Who, which I have also never seen. But then I realized that I actually know NOTHING about that show -- not the plot, not the characters, not the reason everyone seems to love it so damn much. All I have gathered is that there is a Doctor whose name no one seems to know, and that he time travels to the dinosaurs using a retard machine. So ... there you have it. Doctor Who. Guess I should do a little more research before writing a full post about that one.

This is the time travel device. R.E.T.A.R.D seems to be some sort of acronym.

-- This was Jesse's and my first married Christmas, and I gotta say, Christmas is kinda weird when you're married. Our joint financial situation makes the whole gift-buying thing completely different. All we're really doing is deciding how much money the other is authorized to spend on themselves. I mean, since the money we spend kind of belongs to both of us anyway, a really generous gift will probably just piss the other person off. Like if I bought Jesse a car for Christmas, it isn't really like I "bought him a car" -- it's more like I "forced him to buy himself a car." Because you know those car payments aren't going to be coming out of my personal spending money each month -- hell no. It's like, "this Christmas, I gave you the obligation to spend $400 every month on a car that you didn't even get to pick out! ISN'T SANTA THE BEST?!?!?" 

Even if you don't combine any finances, you're still playing for the same team financially so you both benefit from saving instead of spending ... which means there's still really no motivation to go out and buy a bunch of crap for each other. What Jesse and I should do every year is just give each other a box with a piece of paper in it that says "I authorize you to buy yourself $XXXX worth of crap on the joint credit card. Merry effing Christmas."

Actually, that's a hell of an idea.

-- Meanwhile, I think I've got my New Year's Resolutions figured out. I always like to have two: one more specific concrete goal, and one more abstract goal that I think will help make me a better person.

For this year's concrete goal, I am going to cook something new from a recipe once a week. I never use recipes when I cook -- at most, I will look at a recipe and get the gist of it, then freestyle the food. The result is that while the things I make taste good, they always have a certain sameness about them. So if I start cooking with more and different recipes, we'll get to eat lots of unique and interesting things.

And for this year's "be a better person" goal, I am going to stop laughing at babies with enormous heads. Yes, they are funny. Yes, they look ridiculous. But laughing at them is bad for my karma, and next thing you know I'm going to have a baby that looks like this:

And it'll split me in half and all my friends will have to stifle a laugh when they look at it, and I'll have no one to blame but myself.
But just to have one last giggle, I googled pictures of babies with big heads. And I found this one. Tee hee.
This baby is awesome.

So, y'know, wish me luck.

I can still giggle at that baby right up until 2013, right?

Because I'm definitely going to.

Okay okay okay, I'm done. I'm done.


UPDATED: I had to add one more. I'm sorry.
I'm sure you understand.


  1. Sitting in my office, while practically NOONE is here...and its super silent...trying to NOT laugh out loud hysterically. Chubby fat-headed babies are amazing. Your posts for 2013 should be "I'm not making fun of babies with fat heads, but if I WERE...this is what I'd say"

    1. I feel like it's okay as long as I'm laughing WITH them and not AT them ..................... right?

      Right. :-)

  2. Laugh away you'll laugh at yours too so that makes it ok! As for the presents just admit you don't feel like buying each other anything and call it a day.

  3. AMAZING. (this is WillyNilly from WB, by the way.) I just laughed and accidently spit at the screen at the last image. Effing perfect.

    1. Just following that age-old recipe: Hat + baby that looks like Mr. Magoo = COMEDY GOLD.