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Thursday, December 6, 2012

WTF, original Rudolph movie?!

The other night, the original Rudolph movie was on TV and so as usual, I watched it. I try to watch it every year, but I've been failing at that and it's been a few years since I last saw it.

So this time around, it was like watching it with new eyes. And holy damn ... there is some messed-up sh*t in that movie.

For example ... you know the scene where the elves are showing Santa this new song they're working on? First off, Santa looks completely bored and is staring at his pocketwatch before they even start. So, Santa's basically an asshole.

Then the elves start singing, and all is going well and sounding good.

And then, out of NOWHERE, one of the elves grabs a wooden doll toy and just smashes another elf across the head with it, knocking him out cold. It is the most random act of violence I've ever seen. One second they're singing; the next second he's braining a guy with a giant wooden doll. I could NOT stop laughing when I saw that.

You can watch the video here. You don't need sound -- the incredible violence happens at the 47-second mark.

Here are some screenshots:
First, the weapon is acquired:

Then, the wind-up:

The swing:

And the results:

Merry f*cking Christmas, right?!

At the end of the song, Santa tells them their performance needs work and leaves the room without another word.

Late in the movie, after Rudolph goes missing, his father decides to go out looking for him. His mom and girlfriend want to come along, but Donner tells them not to because they're women and they'll just slow him down. Ha!!!

Then, they find Rudolph and get into trouble with the Abominable Snowman (aka the Bumble) ... but Herbie and Yukon Cornelius save the day by braining the Bumble with an enormous boulder and then pulling out all his teeth. (Lots of guys get brained in the movie, apparently)

But we haven't heard the last of the Bumble, no sir. At the end of the movie, he shows up with Yukon Cornelius to go to work for Santa. His only skill is putting the star on top of the Christmas tree, but apparently that's enough to get him into Santa's employ.

Except, hang on a second. You want me to believe that this Bumble, who 1) hates Christmas, and 2) was violently assaulted with a rock and then had his teeth all pulled out by an elf, has suddenly had a change of heart and can't wait to be one of Santa's little helpers?!? And all the guys at Christmastown believe this? No one suspects anything is strange about this?!?

I'm just waiting for the sequel.

Boy, I wonder what I'll notice when I watch it again next year!!!

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