Blog Archive

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Wait, what the hell do fetuses dream ABOUT??!??!

I was reading my 32-week pregnancy update thingamajig online the other day and it informed me that at this point, baby is able to dream while she sleeps. And I was like, aww, that's so cute! I was sort of picturing like when a dog dreams and they try to run and make little yipping noises in their sleep. How could anyone not think that's adorable!

But then I thought about it some more and I got really confused. She dreams? WHAT THE ALMIGHTY F*** DOES SHE DREAM ABOUT? SHE HAS NO EXPERIENCES TO FORM INTO DREAMS!

I mean, even the DOG can dream about running and chasing things because that's what the dog experiences on a daily basis. What does the fetus experience? Well, let's take a look:

First, there's this:

This is what roughly eight hours of her day consists of.

The internet also informs me that she is able to tell the difference between light and dark at this point, so large parts of her day also go a little something like this:

And then let us not forget about the times she gets to deal with this:

This would be during my amazing power-walk workouts, and various other walkin-around activities.

And the rides in the car back and forth to work, in which she either gets to listen to Roy Dotrice reading "A Game of Thrones", or she gets to listen to loud music:

She also gets to hear extended ridiculous arguments between Jesse and myself:

Even though Jesse's speaking volume is a good 10x mine, I have the proximity advantage so I imagine my voice still comes through louder.

So, based on those particular experiences that literally make up the entirety of the material upon which she has to base her dreams, if I had to guess what she dreamed about, I'd go with something like this:

I mean, I know there's no way to know for sure, but ... I've gotta be pretty close, right?

Oh god why is the Catopus's eye leaking??

Jesus f*** I'm not playing anymore this shit is terrifying.


  1. I remember my dreams as a fetus almost vividly. They consisted mostly of animals wearing sunglasses. Ah to be young!

    1. No unicorns, donkey-rabbits or Air Bud though? Should I adjust my pictures??

      I'm pretty sure I dreamed about Air Bud as a fetus. It was only 1985 and the film classic Air Bud wouldn't exist for another 12 years, but I dreamed it just the same.

  2. Hahahaah omg these dream pictures are cracking me up. Is that Air Bud i see?? You are totally right though, what in the world would they be dreaming about? I actually just googled it... but didn't get any answers. But I'm willing to bet your guess is spot on.

    1. Oh, you bet your ASS that's Air Bud. Because my baby is AWESOME.