Friday Poundings -- Cougars and Downton Abbey

-- So this week, I've been feeling kinda poopy and stayed home from work Tuesday and Wednesday (so the blog posts were also kinda poopy. Sorry. Hard to be funny when you feel icky). While I was home, I decided to give Downton Abbey a try, knowing this was risky after I made fun of it just last week. 

After watching the first three episodes, here's what I think:
First off, it does suck you in, which must be part of why it's so popular. You start watching it and forget that it's 2013 now and this show has no real bearing on our lives. It totally absorbs you in its world, which can be nice, I guess, if that's what you're into. But as soon as I stopped watching it, a few things occurred to me.

Like ... seriously? The worst things to happen to these people are that one of the footmen that works in the house is secretly gay (WHOA), and the oldest daughter is such a raging c-word that she can't find anyone to marry her. But she doesn't really deserve to get married anyway, because she's such a raging c-word. Just let her get old and die alone as punishment for being such a bitch. She's not even rich anymore. You can't get away with that shit unless you've got a massive pocketbook to back it up, Mary.

As soon as the show is off, you wonder why the eff you ever cared at all in the first place. These people are dull, and a lot of them are just super bitchy. It's like Melrose Place in the 1910's. (hmm, now I've compared it to both Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Melrose Place. Bring on the hate mail.)

-- This morning, I got up and went downstairs and found that 1) the back door was not locked; 2) the back door was slightly AJAR; 3) the door between the house and the garage was also slightly ajar. These are all Jesse's fault. You know, the same Jesse who yells "WHY IS THIS DOOR UNLOCKED" if he arrives home two minutes after me and finds that I haven't yet re-locked the front door. From this, I can only assume that Jesse has grown bored with me and wants me dead. THERE COULD HAVE BEEN A COUGAR IN THE KITCHEN THIS MORNING, JESSE. HE COULD HAVE JUST WALKED RIGHT IN THE BACK DOOR.

Pictured: NOT COOL.

-- I'm f**king old, apparently. At age 27, I already have to dye my hair because I have so much gray in it, and have recently started bleaching my upper lip because women can't rock mustaches (EFF THAT SEXIST SHIT, AMIRITE?). But the other day, my oldness fully actualized as I was driving: I switched between multiple radio stations, and they were all playing current Top 40 songs, and I was certain -- CERTAIN, mind you -- that every song that came on was, without a doubt, the worst song I had ever heard in my life. The new Taylor Swift song "Trouble" -- AWFUL. It's just a bunch of moaning and repeating the same shit over and over again. That "Thrift Shop" song, whose beat sounds like a bunch of idiots having seizures while another idiot plays a Happy New Year horn directly into your ear? AWFUL. And don't get me started on that song that sounds like a bunch of monkeys screaming/f**king. After cycling unsuccessfully through all my presets, I turned the radio off in disgust.

I'M OLD, GUYS. THE AWFULNESS OF TOP 40 SONGS MAKES ME ANGRY.

I'm not a cougar yet, though. It will be many years before I can break into people's houses through the open back door.

Shit.