Visible nipples are incredibly distracting, and while they can occasionally be considered "hot" under the right circumstances ... every single day, all the time, at the office, around the family, and in the presence of young children are NOT the ideal times to be turning on your highbeams. It's trashy.
So with that in mind, let me just show you a picture of my stomach in its current state:
MY BELLY BUTTON LOOKS LIKE A GIANT NIPPLE ON A GIANT BOOB.
Or maybe a nose?
"Hiiiiiiiidy ho!"
It sticks out when it's cold. It sticks out when it's warm. It sticks out when I wake up, and it sticks out before I go to bed.
When I was pregnant with Audrey, my belly button didn't really start to stick out until much, much later in the pregnancy ... and even then, it was barely noticeable.
Even when I was 8 months in, it was barely worth a boop.
But this time around, that sucker has been saying "howdy'a do" for months now. And I still have months to go.
There is nothing to be done about it. If I wear more layers of underclothes in an attempt to tame it, it laughs in my face:
This is three layers working together to push the belly button back into submission.
Belly button's response: "Lol."
If I wear a single layer, it borders on obscene:
Wow ... is it cold in here, or like ... ?
This is my life now, guys.
I have a visible nipple on my stomach at all times. People look at it. I see it when I talk to them -- they can't help but glance down. And I don't even blame them. It's impossible not to look.
That's a, uh ... great haircut?
I COULD HAVE BEEN WEARING A GODDAMNED CLOWN SUIT IN THIS PICTURE AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN NOTICED BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY LOOKING AT MY BELLY BUTTON.
ADMIT IT.
YOU WANTED TO POKE IT.
I KIND OF WANT TO POKE IT TOO.
*boooooop* *boop* *boop*
Audrey is always poking it. :-(
The outie belly button: just another one of those indignities of pregnancy.
Goddammit.
Past issues of "The Indignities of Pregnancy" (which are all from when I was pregnant with Audrey like 37 years ago):
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